Podcast

Latter-day Saints Dealing With Pornography in Marriage

 

Episode 17: Being Home Together: Problem or Opportunity?

Show Notes:

Do you have problems from being quarantined? Or have you just been quarantining your problems?

Get a little insight into why things might not be as pretty as you’d hoped they’d be while you are all quarantined at home together. Some helpful tips.

A guide on how to stay sane during this time, and really any time. Because the reality is, you can have anxiety/stress provoking thoughts and feelings at any time, COVID-19 or not, quarantined or not. 

Likewise, you can show yourself some love by owning what you can control, empowering yourself, and showing up the way you want to. Now is the best time to do this.

Have tons of urges to look at pornography? Take this as an opportunity to find out why. Don’t love the dynamic between you and your spouse while both at home with the kids? Don’t miss out on the valuable information there.

Take care of yourself so you can better take care of others.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys stop looking at porn. Lindsay helps women drop the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create a dream marriage with reality.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s guide on How to Solve Any Problem: https://lindsaypoelmancoaching.com/free/

For Danny’s 5-Step Guide to Staying Sane: https://dannypoelman.com/5-step-guide-to-staying-sane

Episode 16: Navigating the Fear Cycle

Show Notes:

Nothing has gone wrong if you’ve felt fear. If you’ve never felt afraid then you might not be human.

How we end up in a fear cycle and how to break out of it. Some useful questions and helpful tips.

A few personal experiences mixed in.

Why the feeling of fear itself cannot actually harm you.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys stop looking at porn. Lindsay helps women in their marriage whether it’s affected by porn or not. 

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s guide on How to Solve Any Problem: https://lindsaypoelmancoaching.com/free/

For Danny’s free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Episode 15: When Your Progress Isn’t Fast Enough For Your Spouse

Show Notes:

Do you feel hurt when your spouse says you aren’t progressing fast enough? Or even just from imagining they are thinking this? You are not alone.

Being sensitive to something someone says about you can be an amazing opportunity. How to turn it into an opportunity instead of just more needless suffering.

Join life coaches, and married couple, Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss:

  • challenges we are faced with when it comes to this.
  • an example from a client.
  • where the hurt actually comes from.
  • a dart throwing analogy.
  • how to manage it
  • an empowering way to look at it.
  • some personal experiences from their own marriage
  • how it relates to pornography in a Latter-day Saint Marriage

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

For Lindsay’s Guide to Processing Pain: 

https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/processpain

For Danny’s free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Episode 14: Want Awareness

Show Notes:

Many of us don’t take the time to tap into what it is that we want in life. Maybe we avoid it because: we think we won’t get it, think we shouldn’t want it (judge ourselves), think we’ll get our hopes up and they’ll be dashed, think others wants are more important than our own, think there’s not enough of the thing we want to get some for us, think there is not enough time/energy/money to get it. Maybe we just don’t know how to want.

Life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelman have a discussion of why it is important to learn how to want intentionally, with a hefty dose of awareness. How it can be life changing. And how it relates to pornography, urges, marriage, and personal development.

Giving yourself space to want can help you:

  1. Live in your zone of genius
  2. Live the life you are meant to live
  3. Act with more power than ever before

How to start doing this. And see Lindsay’s freebie below to help get you started. How can you live the life of your dreams if you are not willing to dream?

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

For Lindsay’s Free Guide on The Capacity to Dream: 

https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/capacity

For Danny’s free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Episode 13: Understanding Your Relationship in a New Way

Show Notes:

What kind of marriage relationship do you have? One where you always feel the need to stick up for yourself? Or where you are complying and being the peacekeeper all while seething inside? Have you become apathetic and given up on the chance of things being better? Or are you on the offensive, attacking, backbiting, cheating, criticizing?

Certified life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss pornography and marriage. They share some insights into their relationship before and now. A new way to understand you marriage relationship and, really, your relationship with anybody/anything. Will you wait around for someone to fix your relationship for you or will you own what is your responsibility and start experiencing empowering changes right now?

Lindsay shares a step by step way to start this process.

How to manage your relationship by managing your own mind.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com

For Lindsay’s Guide to Processing Pain: 

https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/processpain

For Danny’s free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Episode 12: Why Should She Get Help?

Show Notes:

“Why should I get help when he’s the one with the problem!” Only you know if you need help from a coach or not. But if you are wanting something from your life, and you are not getting there (maybe you’re even stuck!), you may want to consider hiring a coach for yourself. Join certified life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss examples of problems the spouse of the one looking at porn might come to us with. Lindsay shares her personal experience of going from victim and disempowered to empowered and totally boss! Benefits such as better physical health, more present with kids, better overall enjoyment of life, and even showing up better in marriage and other relationships.

Sometimes the best way we can help those we love most is by getting help for ourselves and taking care of ourselves. This seems counterintuitive to some at first. Join us as we discuss why and how this process works.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

For Lindsay’s Guide to Processing Pain: 

https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/processpain

For Danny’s free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Episode 11: Feelings Don’t Come From Roses. They Come From Thoughts.

Show Notes:

Valentine’s Day, like other holidays, can be triggering for people. Some people will be more likely to look at porn around holidays. Some people just can’t seem to have the Valentine’s Day experience they dream of. 

Join certified life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss why that is and why can it seem even more complicated in a marriage relationship. How to be aware of what you might be doing, that you think is helping, but may actually be hurting. Some alternative approaches that may get you closer to the results you actually want in your marriage.

For more information from Lindsay: lindsaypoelman.com

For Lindsay’s Guide to Processing Pain, click here.

Episode 10: How to Calm Down

Show Notes:

Many of us want to calm down when we feel unpleasant emotions but our approach often makes it worse. How to calm down by allowing the UNcalm first and working through it in a more healthy way. A way that helps with stopping porn (or other addiction-like behaviors), with your relationship with yourself and relationships with others, including marriage.

A quote from the life coach of a kung fu master.

Some practical techniques discussed. But if we only focus on actions to take then we miss out on sustainable long term results. How life coaching can help you address your emotions from the inside out rather than getting stuck on the outside in.

How to increase your awareness and rewire your brain by tapping into the present moment. Let it be a process as you seek improvement in your relationship with anxiety, depression, fear, shame, lack of confidence, hopelessness, and any other emotions that are difficult for you right now.

For more information from Lindsay: lindsaypoelman.com

Episode 9: Am I Crazy?

Show Notes:

A discussion about ways that a we sometimes doubt ourselves or see ourselves as broken. For the one using porn: “Why does part of me want this and part of me not? Why can’t I stop when I try with willpower? Am I not strong enough? Diseased? Defective?” For the one married to the someone secretly using porn: “Was I wrong about him? About our marriage? About what I thought we had all this time? If I missed this, what else could I be missing?”

“Once an addict, always an addict” may not be that useful for everyone to believe about themselves.

For many people, we need a better solution than 12 steps.

It’s okay to feel crazy. Just because you feel crazy doesn’t mean you are crazy or that something is wrong with you.

Some helpful information/ideas to navigate these challenges.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

For Danny’s free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Episode 8: Managing Overwhelm

Show Notes:

What it was like for Danny when telling Lindsay about his struggles with pornography. What it was like for Lindsay managing life as a working mom and caretaker. How we struggled with overwhelm. What made it worse? What helped? Patterns we noticed. We discuss some practical approaches to managing overwhelm, sharing some specific examples. Some strategies you can begin implementing simply and right away.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

For Danny’s free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Episode 7: Trust

Episode 6: Boundaries

Episode 5: Don’t Need to “Fix Him” to Feel Better

Episode 4: How to Feel Safe

Episode 3: Divorce or Not?

Episode 2: Dealing With Shame

Episode 1: Telling Her

Show Notes:

Why are we doing this podcast? To help people who are struggling in shame, silently, with something that affects so many people. Yet no one wants to talk about it. So if we can talk about this as a couple, committed, and loving each other, in an open empowering way, then we want to. What it was like for Danny when he first told Linz about using pornography. What it was like for Lindsay. What helped? How we can accept, appreciate it and thank our process for what it was.
For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com
For Danny’s free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:
https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

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