Why No Porn is More Exciting Than That Next Search For Porn

Hmmmm… I wonder about this new girl.

Haven’t seen her before.

I wonder where this could lead.

Have you ever thought this before?

I have.

My brain has paid fastidious attention to the things that get it more dopamine.

My Urges and I Are On the Same Team

When I would have an urge for pornography, I used to curse myself and my brain for even having that desire.

Now I say: “Good job brain! You’re going for dopamine, as designed. You’re working perfectly. But we’re going to go a different route than porn this time.”

Now I recognize that my brain is just good at learning, especially when the reward of dopamine is involved.

I’m so glad I have a brain that is good at learning!

I’m so glad I have a brain that works by design.

I have the Danny Model of the most powerful tool on the planet, the human brain, with me at all times, at my disposal.

Getting more acquainted with the users’ manual helps me to get the most out of my electric razor.

Likewise, learning the users’ manual for my human brain is vitally important and incredibly helpful when it comes to stopping looking at porn. I think it is THE most important part.

Some people might say, what about God? Isn’t he the most important part? Guess what, God wrote the users manual for the brain. He designed it. It affects virtually every part of our human experience, including our experiences with Heavenly Father.

Learning about the brain IS involving God. It is accepting his creation as it is instead of wishing it was different or trying to use it improperly.

This is not an either/or scenario.

Is This Really a New Road?

So I’d see a new girl in a show or a movie or whatever. And my brain tries to convince me this will be a new experience.

My lower brain might say “Sure, you’ve see plenty of porn in the past. But you haven’t seen her yet. Let’s see where this leads.”

As though the outcome will be a surprise! To that I say, “Ha!”

The Truth

The truth is, that part of my brain doesn’t care if it’s someone new. Someone I’ve seen before or never seen.

I recognize that every girl in the world is a special, one of kind person.

But to the dopamine receptors in that part of my brain, it is not going to be some special, new, one of a kind experience. That part of my brain doesn’t care where the dopamine comes from.

That part of my brain says:

“If it helps me avoid pain, and if it is easy access to lots of pleasure, I’m in.”

It could care less about the source of the dopamine.

Luckily, we have a prefrontal cortex where we can analyze the sources of our dopamine and govern our choices in a responsible way that we feel good about.

It’s just a skill that maybe you haven’t learned yet. But you can.

A Dead End That’s Actually an Onramp

What would happen if I pursued the route of searching to see more of this “new” girl. I would search for a minute and come to a dead-end. Would that deter me? No.

Because that wasn’t actually a route with one specific new girl as the objective. If it doesn’t pan out, it doesn’t actually turn into a dead-end. I don’t turn around and head back to where I came from.

It turns into an onramp to the porn freeway:

Interstate-porn.

Route Sexty-Sex

(I think I laugh at my jokes more than other people do, but I’m okay with that).

This is Nothing New

This is a familiar route. I’ve actually been on this same exact highway plenty of times before. It is not new. It is old.

Turns out it’s the route I’m trying to avoid. Again.

What a valuable experience!

Because now I know that when that lower part of my brain comes to me with this somehow “new” proposition, I can call it what it is.

I can let it know, “Hey, I’m on to you. This isn’t new. Nice try! This is the same old road we’ve been on many times before. I know that road. I’m ready to say goodbye to that road. There are other routes that work way better for me now.

And guess what, I’m in the driver’s seat.

And suddenly, that excitement I had about a “new” experience has turned to, “Meh! Not for me.”

A Genuinely New and Exciting Road

With this new awareness, I’m able to take a new road that actually does lead me to new places and new experiences.

Way more exciting!

Recommended exercise: have a conversation with your next urge, not as the enemy, but as someone you are trying to work together with, respectfully, on the same team.


Need help learning the users’ manual for your brain?
Check out my How to Stop Looking at Porn Program by scheduling a free mini-session with me. Find out more about a mini-session: click here.

And, as always, feel free to email me at danny@dannypoelman.com with any questions or just to connect.

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