It May Surprise You What a Year of Coaching Did For Me. It Sure Surprised Me!

In 2019, I committed to coaching in a big way. It was hard. I am so proud of myself.

A year of regularly being coached one on one, participating in group coaching, and self-coaching.

What Coaching Did For Me in 2019

Me still giving porn some power in my life to me not giving porn any power. From shaky to confident.

Feeling terrible every week at church to feeling good 99% of the time at church.

Not making money to making money (as an entrepreneur with my own business).

Not as involved with kids and family responsibilities to very involved.

Occasional suicidal thoughts to no suicidal thoughts.

Kept off the 40 lbs I lost in 2018. Stayed between 180-187 lbs all year, right where I want to be.

2018: overplaying video games to avoid feelings while losing weight and stopping porn. 2019: no video games (I don’t think video games are bad. It was just something for me to look at).

Exercising 2-5 days per week inconsistently to exercising 6-7 days per week very consistently.

2018: I was taking 2.5 Xanax pills (anti-anxiety meds) every day and tapered off toward the end of the year. 2019: I took only 10-15 Xanax pills the whole year (I have a bottle full of them sitting on my shelf).

Sleeping with meds half-restfully. Then to restless, inconsistent sleep without meds. And on to restful, consistent sleep without meds.

Still taking anti-depressant medication to taking no anti-depressants (off all meds for more than half the year).

Generally shying away from social activities to regularly participating/enjoying/seeking social experiences (even if everyone speaks French there).

Speaking a little French to giving a talk at church in French (still have a ways to go).

Being nervous about urges to being confident about managing urges.

More intense and more frequent urges for porn to less intense and much less frequent urges for porn.

Habitual self-disparagement to hugely increased self-acceptance and self-compassion (one of my greatest and most useful accomplishments).

Being insecure in most of my family relationships to feeling great about most of them.

Not enjoying my life much to enjoying my life much more.

Being unsure that life could genuinely be better without porn in it to being convinced and experiencing that life is genuinely better in every way without porn in it.

Still having trouble managing my own mind to managing my mind skillfully and making a living showing/teaching others how to manage their minds.

What made the difference? COACHING

I am so grateful that I’ve had people who love and support me. I’m grateful for God always being there ready to help. Not to discount those incredible blessings, but I had those things all along.

What made the big difference for me this year is coaching.

  • Investing in my mind with my time, money, and energy.
  • Learning self-coaching tools.
  • Receiving guidance from coaches.
  • Practicing nearly every day.
  • Recognizing that all my problems/goals/feelings/relationships/behaviors begin with what’s happening in my brain.
  • Prioritizing mind management.

Not Just Any Coaching

Effective coaching (whether one on one, group, or self) provides an increased awareness of what’s going on in my mind.

For me, it wasn’t just any coaching. It was the coaching I learned from my teacher.

She trained me how to be a coach using these tools.

And this is the approach I use to coach my clients, with a good dose of Danny Poelman flavor mixed in that makes it unique.

I have never invested my time/energy/money in something that has been this impactful to every facet of my life.

I’m not saying that I have “Arrived!”. I’m not saying that I don’t have many ways I can still grow and develop.

But when I look at the facts, the tangible and intangible results that I created through coaching efforts in 2019, I am both impressed and grateful.

You better believe that 2020 will be another year of coaching for me personally.

Journal Prompts

I recommend writing your answers somewhere.

  1. With how much your brain affects every part of your life, are you allocating the amount of time/energy/money that makes sense for you?
  2. If yes, describe:
  3. If not, how do you want to change the way you prioritize mind management?
  4. Do you like your current approach/technique to mind management?
  5. If yes, what do you like about it?
  6. If not, how do you want to change your approach?

Need help knowing where to start to level up?
Check out my How to Stop Looking at Porn Program by scheduling a free mini-session with me. Find out more about a mini-session: click here.

And, as always, feel free to email me at with any questions or just to connect.

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