Why do we delete our browsing history after looking at porn/masturbating?
Because we don’t want people to know what we just did. We don’t want there to be a record of the actions we chose.
In School, Failing Holds You back
This reminds me of school. I was in school for 23 years and one of the prevailing messages is that an “F,” which stands for “FAIL,” is undesirable and the worst outcome possible. In school, failure should be avoided at all costs.
In fact, in school, if you Fail and get an F, you can’t move forward to the next class/grade/level. This could be interpreted to mean that in order to progress, you need to avoid failing. You need to get it right to level up.
At BYU, I got a “B-” in Dr. Kearl’s Economics class, a prerequisite for the Business Management program I was trying to get into.
So I retook the same Economics class over the summer, from an easier teacher, and I got an “A.” I got into the program.
Also, to get accepted to dental school, it was important that I didn’t have any blemishes on my record (“Incomplete’s,” “F’s,” more than a few grades less than “A-,” etc.).
I couldn’t progress to the next level if I had too many blemishes.
Trying to Delete Your Past
With porn, sometimes, I wouldn’t just delete my browsing history, but I would also wish that I could delete the entire incident from my past.
Can’t have an “F” on my record if I want to level up!
Do you ever wish you had a “delete” button for your past?
Wishing for this is unproductive and frustrating. It is also wishing for something completely impossible. It puts you in a position of powerlessness and blindness.
Wishing/trying to delete our past prevents our conscious mind from knowing what just happened. It prevents leveling up. On top of that, it feels terrible!
A Familiar Pattern
So we make failure painful. Because of all that pain, we fear it. And because we fear it, we end up looking at porn/masturbating anyway to avoid these feelings.
To put it another way, we look at porn to escape a feeling that we think will come when we look at porn. Trying to escape a feeling that we create for ourselves by the painful story we tell about failure.
The story we tell ourselves about failure is optional.
In Real Life, Failure Moves You Forward
In real life, failing is an important part of, and even a requirement for, moving to the next level.
When we look at porn/masturbate, we can stop wishing it didn’t happen, and begin to see it as a source of valuable information.
Not to mention, accepting your past feels much more peaceful than the inevitable frustration that comes from resisting reality. It just feels better.
In real life, “F’s” are useful when we stop trying to erase them from our past.
Would it be possible for you to view all of your past choices to look at porn/masturbate as valuable and useful?
In real life, you actually need to “get it wrong” along the way to level up?
The only way to level up in real life is to seek out failure? Not seeking failure from retreating, hiding, and avoiding (although this may be a valuable experience too).
I’m talking about the kind of failure that happens while putting yourself out there and going for it.
“F’s” in real life are like points that lead you to your desired victory.
Don’ Delete Your Life’s History
- So instead of trying to delete your “F’s”, try changing the painful story you tell about them.
- Don’t try to cover up your life’s history. Allow your conscious mind to examine and learn from the experience.
- Be willing to try new things and and pick up new “F’s” along the way until you level up the way you want to.
And soon, you can come out stronger than you ever would have without this experience of overcoming pornography.
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