Porn is a Fantasy
Your brain thinks you have women throwing themselves at you in droves.
Your brain thinks you have your own private harem to have sex with whomever, whenever you want.
Your brain thinks it has done all the things required to impress these women, earn their trust & confidence, and be attractive to them.
A lot of us guys are also taught that if lots of women want you then you are the ultimate man.
The only evidence your lizard brain requires is the flood of dopamine that comes when you look at porn/masturbate.
To your lower brain, that dopamine means success/accomplishment/achievement.
Your brain perceives that, because of how much dopamine comes from it, porn/masturbation must be more important than other high value/low dopamine activities.
But pornography with masturbation is a fantasy.
What is the Truth?
Are we willing to remove porn/masturbation for long enough to examine the truth of our lives?
It can be like turning on a light in a messy room. But how can we effectively clean up the mess if we leave the lights off?
For me, I was scared of what I might find:
- Am I bored with my life?
- Am I lonely?
- Are there any unhealed wounds?
- Do I believe I’m just not man enough?
- Am I scared a lot of the time?
- Do I even like being with myself?
Part of me was very ashamed to even have these thoughts/feelings. Especially because, outwardly, I “had it all.” Good job, house in a nice area, beautiful wife, 3 kids, physically healthy, I was really really ridiculously good-looking;)
I was worried that my wife would take these things personally. Most of all, I was scared to feel.
A turning point for me was telling myself: I choose boredom over porn. Or I choose restlessness/loneliness/fear over porn.
When you remove porn and pay attention for long enough, you’ll know what your hot buttons are.
When you let the boredom be there long enough, you can start getting creative and making your real life more enjoyable for yourself (think high value/low dopamine).
If you sit with loneliness for long enough, you will more genuinely want the company of loved ones.
Physiological note: If you stop porn/masturbation for long enough, your dopamine receptors will reset so that you get more pleasure from natural activities in your life.
You may also need to limit other forms of unnatural, concentrated pleasure to rebalance your dopamine receptors. Examples: video games, overeating, overnetflixing, drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc..
What is Your End Goal?
We can focus on fantasy, where imagination IS the end goal.
We can use our imaginations as a tool to better our real lives.
Need help knowing how to utilize your imagination to improve your real life?
Check out my How to Stop Looking at Porn Program by scheduling a free mini-session with me. What are you waiting for? Click here.
For a free jumpstart on learning the skill of not looking at porn check out my guide: “How to Stop Looking at Porn.”