Porn Thinking Errors: What Are You Thinking?

If you keep turning to porn against your better judgment, that means there are things you believe that you have already assumed are true so you don’t even question them.

If you believed that gravity pulled things up you would spend a lot of time confused.

You would be asking “Why does that rock always come back down and hit me in the head when I throw it up? It should keep going up!”

“And why am I, after all these years, still stuck down here on the ground?”

This is an example of a thinking error.

If you never stopped to question it you would struggle a lot.

The thing about our brains is that it doesn’t always matter as much what is true as much as it matters what gets the job done.

Being raised to always seek truth it was tough for me to swallow this idea initially. But it is crucial to mind management.

In my opinion, usually true thoughts are ones that do get the job done.

But your brain will believe things whether they are true or not and once it is learned your brain will call it truth. “No need to revisit that,” it says. “Already covered it. Let’s conserve energy.”

“Questioning things takes extra energy.”

The problem is, there are things we have already assumed are true so we don’t even question them. But if you believe it, you are unconsciously thinking it again and again.

And it may be getting in the way of your goals.

Porn Thinking Error Example

An example of a thinking error with porn that will continually lead you back to porn:

“Porn and masturbation are just part of being a guy.”

This message is EVERYWHERE! Lots of people believe this.

Have we noticed whether we believe this or not?

If we do, have we ever even questioned its validity?

If this is one you think is true, I want to invite you to spend just a moment pretending that maybe it’s not a fact of life. What does it look like for you to do this?

Any resistance there? Just notice.

It’s not good or bad.

It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.

But you might notice that just the act of giving your mind the space to consider that it might be an optional thought can be incredibly powerful.

The truth is, the sentence “Porn and masturbation are just part of being a guy” is an optional thought.

Suddenly, this puts you in the driver’s seat. Woh! If this is optional, why am I thinking it? What do I want to think instead?

What thought would help me achieve my goal of learning to not look at porn and masturbate?

There is no right answer. You get to choose. What do you really want?

You don’t have to have an answer right away. But if you don’t come up with something to intentionally think instead, your brain will go to what’s efficient, what it has already practiced a lot.

Don’t judge yourself while you do this. You’ll get stuck if you do.

Here’s a possible alternative that I like:

“It’s a rite of passage for a man to live without porn and masturbating.”

I like this one because no matter how you get there, you get there. And I like the words “rite of passage.” It speaks to some inner tribal warrior part of me or something. Its empowering. It sets a clear standard for what I’m going for and makes it honorable in my mind. This thought serves me much better.

Come up with your own.

Try on your new thought and see how it feels. If it is too far-fetched for you, you will need to go more stepwise. Give yourself the time you need to work your way up to whatever it is you want to believe.

But more on that later.

Before We Get Ahead of Ourselves

First things first: you have to identify what thoughts are even there to begin to recognize what might be hurting you.

  1. Grab a pen and paper
  2. Ask yourself lots of questions (What do I believe about porn and masturbation? What is normal? What role has it played in my life? What role does it play in my life? What role will it play in my future? What is possible?)
  3. Write some of your own questions.
  4. Write your answers without filtering or editing

Once you’ve made a list of those thoughts, begin questioning whether they’re true with your conscious mind.

You may feel overwhelmed. Don’t let overwhelm stop you. Just do one at a time. Spend a few minutes on it each day for a day/week then move on to the next.

To Help You Get Started

I’ve created a list of porn thinking errors for your benefit to help get the juices flowing (look for it in the next few days).

The gravity example at the beginning probably seemed kind of ridiculous as a thinking error. Probably because it is so far-fetched from our current understanding.

What if you are currently, unconsciously, believing things that you will one day see as far-fetched? That’s where you need to get in your mind to really succeed on stopping looking at porn and masturbating.

Imagine that!


Not sure how to get from what you currently believe to what you want to believe? Check out my How to Stop Looking at Porn Program by scheduling a free mini-session with me. What are you waiting for? Click here.

For a free jumpstart on learning the skill of not looking at porn check out my guide:  “How to Stop Looking at Porn.”

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