Real Self-Care Is Different Than What You Think It Is

You’ve probably heard that self-care is a very important part of learning to stop looking at porn. While this is true, sometimes we mix up what self-care really means.

Self-care is important so we can learn to really take care of ourselves. It helps us show ourselves that we are worth it. It is part of our learning to love ourselves unconditionally.

Self-care is learning to regulate the rest of our life in a more balanced way so that we don’t need to turn to porn.

What We Think Self-Care Means

  • Looking at porn and masturbating (be honest with yourself)
  • Buying something for ourselves,
  • A massage
  • Watching sports or Netflix.
  • Sitting out of something that you don’t really want to do
  • A giant milkshake
  • A little extra time on that video game.
  • Quitting

I’m not saying these things should never be done. But they are not always self-care in the way we think they are.

What Self-Care Actually Is

Real self-care stems from LOVE. Don’t skip this just because you think it’s cheesy. Read on because you might not be as good at this as you think.

Love has the long-term best interest at heart. Love follows through on commitments. Love feels amazing. Love is strong. Love is powerful. Love is inspiring!

I like to think about how I love my kids. Because I love them:

  • I don’t let them eat only candy for dinner.
  • I help them go to bed at a consistent bedtime. I punish them for hitting each other.
  • I reward them for doing hard things that are in their best interest.
  • I help them be active
  • I don’t let them run around with knives.
  • I literally stick my hands through crap to help them keep their nether-regions clean and healthy.
  • I clean up nasty vomit that almost makes me throw up every time.
  • I help them practice swimming when they are scared or don’t want to.
  • I teach them to clean up after themselves even when they are tired.
  • I expect them to respect others even when they’re hungry.
  • I re-arrange my schedule for them.
  • I spend lots of money on their schooling and training.
  • I sit with them and help them work through their feelings.
  • I try to be patient with their mistakes and recognize them as part of a learning process.
  • I prioritize them.
  • I freaking have their backs man!

Do we do this for ourselves?

Do you re-arrange your schedule to prioritize taking care of your brain? Do you put money towards your most important instrument in your body? A lot of us have the intellectual side covered but what about emotionally?

Examples of Real Self-Care

  • Not looking at porn and masturbating (think long-term)
  • Feeling a tough emotion instead of hiding from it
  • Not judging yourself for having an urge to look at porn
  • Allowing an urge without rewarding it with porn
  • Self-coaching
  • Hiring a Life Coach
  • Exercising
  • Eating healthily
  • Giving yourself the opportunity for plenty of consistent sleep
  • Taking a nap
  • Planning for the long-run and acting on that plan today, right now.
  • Following through on a commitment
  • Withholding unhelpful pleasure
  • Having a plan
  • Watching out for your future-self and not just today-self
  • Accomplishing something difficult
  • Meditating

Don’t Skip the Love Part

If you do “self-care” actions from a place of disapproval or self-loathing, you won’t follow through in a lasting way. They must be done with real love.

So many of us think we need to hate ourselves into changing our habits. It just doesn’t work. Check if you are doing this. Sometimes it’s sneaky.

Why do we want to skip the love part?

I don’t care if this is cheesy. I don’t care if you’ve heard it hundreds of times. Love is the most powerful force on the planet. Love is strong. If we want to affect change in our lives, we NEED power. We NEED strength. To stop a habit like porn sometimes we need a whole lot of it.

So why don’t we more fully utilize the power of love?

How can you do some real self-care today?

This is not just about actions. As usual, it always starts with how we choose to think.

In what way can you choose to really love yourself even more today than yesterday?

Because you are worth it! Even if you don’t know it yet.


Take your self-care to the next level and check out my How to Stop Looking at Porn Program by scheduling a free mini-session with me. What are you waiting for? Click here.

For a free jumpstart on learning the skill of not looking at porn check out my guide:  “How to Stop Looking at Porn.”

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