Doubting My Goals Means I’m On the Right Track. But Don’t Stop There.

Just because I haven’t done it yet doesn’t mean I can’t do it.

I want you to take this first sentence and apply it to your biggest struggle right now. Or create your own version of it.

I have some big goals right now. Goals that stretch me. Goals that make me question. It brings up a lot of doubt. I’ve been struggling a lot with doubt this week.

I’m good at doubt. I’ve practiced thinking these ways a lot. It is much more efficient for my brain to stick with doubt instead of trying something new.

And then there’s the self-loathing. Sheesh! I’m one of the best self-loathers I know. Seriously, I could win an award. Does it help? No. Is it where my brain still goes on autopilot sometimes? Yes.

The most important thing is for me to not judge myself for it. Because then I just loath myself for self-loathing and where does that end?

When choosing a goal, I have a few options:

I could look at it and say, If I have so much doubt about this, I should probably tone it down a notch to a level where the doubt is minimal or non-existent.

I could make the doubt mean something bad about me. I just doubt this because I must not really want to change. There’s probably just something wrong with me. I’m defective.

Sometimes doubt feels so matter of fact. Like, I couldn’t do that because of  X. And of course there’s Y and Z too. Nope! Not going for that goal!

What if doubt is not as factual and final as it seems in our minds. What if it is always optional? Am I willing to question my doubts’ validity?

Why Not Get Your Hopes Up?

Maybe I’m worried about getting my hopes up. This is something that we do to each other. Oh, I don’t want to get his hopes up. Do you ever do this with your kids? I do. We think we’re helping each other. But is it helpful to not get hopes up?

Am I really responsible for anyone’s hopes but my own anyway? And if I am responsible for mine, what am I choosing to do with my hopes?

What is so bad about having high hopes and really going for something?

Having high hopes feels great. It helps drive actions toward my desired goal. It moves me forward into new territory. It might even be a prerequisite in getting me where I want to go. So maybe I do want to get my hopes up.

Am I afraid that getting my hopes up opens the door for disappointment from things not going my way? Is disappointment a reason to stop going for something? What if I actually do get to choose what to do with failure and disappointment when it arises?

What if I choose to believe failure is a good thing and means I’m really going for something. What if I can’t take things to the next level without failing? What if failure is a crucial ally for me in this process. I could invite failure in. Bring on the failures from putting myself out there. Give me more!

Yes to “Impossible” Goals

Maybe a lot of doubt coming up means I have picked a great goal. The kind of goal worth going for. If I bring up my insecurities then I can identify them and work on them. Otherwise? More of the same. Rinse and repeat.

A goal that brings up self-doubt may be the only way into new territory. It may be the best kind.

I say yes to hopes. I say yes to failures. I say yes to “impossible” goals. And I say yes to learning to believe that I can accomplish those impossible goals.

Just because I haven’t done it yet doesn’t mean I can’t do it.

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