What do you want? Do you WANT to stop looking at pornography?
A lot of times we get so caught up in the should’s and shouldn’t’s and judging ourselves that we don’t even consider what we want.
Some say “Of course I don’t want to look at porn!” But is that really true?
Be honest with yourself here. If you turn to porn, there is at least a part of you that wants it. What if you tried to understand that part instead of judging it and wishing it wasn’t there?
If you have been using porn habitually, your midbrain will be conditioned to desire it. So if there is part of you that wants it “against your will” it’s that part. Understanding that part of you and accepting it for what it is is important. Keep judging yourself for this and wishing it wasn’t there and you will remain stuck. It is there for a reason. It has been learned. And it can be unlearned.
Important note: Nobody can force you to not look at porn. And nobody can force you to look at porn. Your lower brain (midbrain) cannot do anything without the consent of your upper brain.
So let’s access your human brain, your higher level thinking, your prefrontal cortex. The part of you that has your long-term best interest in mind (Get it? In “mind”). The part of you that is wise, imaginative, and good at problem solving.
Just for the sake of this exercise, pretend there is no right or wrong for a moment. Pretend you had never been told in church (or by anybody) to not look at porn. Forget about what your wife wants, your parents, your family, friends. Take your own judgment out and look at what is actually there.
Do you like how porn affects you? Why do you look at porn? How do you feel before and after looking at porn? During?
Do you like how much priority you give porn in your life? Would you rather prioritize others things instead?
What are the consequences of using porn? Do I like them? What would be the consequences of not looking at porn?
Would you want porn in your life?
If you are using porn then there is at least part of you that answers “yes.” Have you ever allowed yourself to want porn? Try it and see how it feels. Give yourself permission to want it. Because, the truth is, you have that permission already. Nobody can really CHOOSE for you or WANT for you. That is your responsibility.
You can avoid the responsibility or embrace it.
Avoid it and you’ll fee powerless, stuck, frustrated.
Embrace it and you’ll feel powerful. And power is required for change.
The problem is, we make it mean terrible things about ourselves just for even having part of us that wants porn. Can somebody want porn and be a good person?
As long as you judge yourself for it, you will be stuck.
As long as you base it on what other people want rather than what you want, you will not change.
Do not underestimate the power of your desire. If you desire it, you can make it happen.
So what do you want?
I want to offer you this free guide on “How to Stop Looking at Porn.” Click here.
There are so many amazing men who get stuck on this issue. Start seeing new results immediately.
If you want to stop looking at porn and need help learning how, check out my 12 week How to Stop Looking at Porn Program by scheduling a free mini-session with me. Click here.
I only have a few spots left for the program starting first thing in June.