This last week Lindsay and I shared our story.
This experience ended up being harder than I thought it would be (and I thought it would be pretty hard!).
It also ended up being incredible for me in ways I did not expect.
There are two parts to start with when considering your past:
- The facts (circumstances) about the past.
- And the story we tell about those facts.
Don’t mix these two things up. A lot of times we think the stories we are choosing to tell are facts. But I want you to question this.
The first thing you want to do is look at which parts are facts and own them. Accept them.
Stop trying to negotiate with things that cannot be changed. These could be things that were done to you or things that you did to others. Where and how you grew up. Choices you made. Actions that happened.
As long as you resist the facts of the past you will remain stuck. Unending frustration. Blind to the possibility for change.
Sometimes we don’t want to own our story. Maybe we don’t want to take responsibility for our part in it. Or we take responsibility for other peoples’ parts in it. Let others own their story too. It does not help to own other people’s stuff.
Caution: you will have many things that you consider to be facts that are not. Your thoughts about facts will feel like facts a lot of times. Question them meticulously.
The second thing you want to do is look at the story you choose to tell about the facts of the past.
Look at your story as honestly as you can. Really own it. And see what comes up for you?
Does it serve you to think the way you do about it? Might there be alternative ways to think about it that are more helpful?
The “story” is the thoughts you are choosing to think. And you can only think the thoughts you are thinking RIGHT NOW. Past thoughts cannot affect you now unless you think them again now. Future thoughts have not happened yet. The only thoughts that exist are Now-thoughts.
So look at your current thoughts and how they affect you. Taking responsibility for this is SO powerful!
Practice thinking in a way that creates feelings in you that drive the actions you are really looking for. Then you will get the results you really want.
Telling our story last week gave me an opportunity to take my self-acceptance and self-compassion to a new level. I’ve found these emotions to be as helpful as any in my progress. I want to continue to think thoughts that create these feelings for me.
When you remove pornography from your life you will have feelings arise that you have been hiding from with porn use. For many it includes self-rejection and shame. What are they for you? What thoughts are causing those feelings?
You will not feel the need to look at porn when you are filled with self-acceptance and self-compassion. You will find ways to take care of yourself. Then you can better take care of those you love. But don’t just do it for them. Make sure you are doing it for you first and foremost.
What feelings will help you get the results you want? Now go create more of those to get the results you want.
I want to offer you this free guide on “How to Stop Looking at Porn.” Click here.
There are so many amazing men who get stuck on this issue. Start seeing new results immediately.